47 and Grateful: but some birthdays were a grim reminder

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday, Nailah, Happy Birthday to me! 🎉 Yes, my 47th birthday was seven weeks ago. I still find it hard to believe—I remember just turning 40, and now I’m inching closer to the big 5-0. It’s such a blessing to be alive and well, but birthdays have often come with mixed emotions for me. They’ve been reminders of getting older without having children to call my own.

I used to force myself into gratitude because I didn’t want to show how deeply that void affected me. I felt overwhelmed by the thought of another year passing without building my family. Romaine had no idea what I was wrestling with because I hid it so well. My focus was misplaced, and that only allowed the seed of doubt to grow bigger with each passing year. The older I got, the louder the fear became.

The enemy used that fear to play on my emotions, and I couldn’t blame anyone but myself for giving him access. Yet, amidst those struggles, God began to intervene in His own way. Randomly, I’d come across stories of women becoming mothers in their mid-40s or even their 50s. At first, I thought, “Lord, are You showing me this on purpose?” The timing felt so deliberate, and it gave me hope.

I began to dig deeper, reading stories of women from all walks of life who had faced challenges in conceiving but were later blessed with families. Those stories uprooted my negative thinking and planted seeds of faith and encouragement. God was meeting me right where I was, reminding me of His power and His timing.

Ephesians 3:20 became an anchor for me: “Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us.”

This verse reminded me that the power within us is activated by faith. And how do we build that faith? By confessing the right things, rejecting the negative, and going to God, even on our bad days.

The past few birthdays have been so much better for me, mentally and emotionally. I’ve learned to live in the moment, cherishing life as God sees it. I no longer tie my birthday to the question of why I’m not yet a mother. That mindset was only fuel for the enemy to steal my joy and distract me from the blessing of life itself.

Now, as I patiently wait for God’s perfect timing, I’m committed to building my faith and doing my part. When that knock comes on my door, I’ll be ready—not just for motherhood but for the abundant life God has planned for me.